Finding Myself OMG: A Bullshit Quest

Well, where do I start? I'm struggling, I suppose, to find out who I am outside of who my parents want me to be, who my friends want me to be, or who my own perfectionist tendencies (totally personified) want me to be. I don't know if this blog will really document my progress in, ahem, coming of age, or if it will just basically be a place for me to vent and blab about nothing. We shall see.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Blah.

I'm feeling very icky tonight emotionally. Just lonely and unloved and cranky and sad. I think I just need to sleep. If I don't sleep, I might cry. It's weird, because in general, things have been going so much better for me. And I'm on Paxil, now, too! I'm not supposed to feel like this anymore. Rationally, I know I'm not ugly or mean or unlikable or unpopular, but irrationally, I feel like I am. I feel like I'm a worthless pariah, and it's sudden, and it came out of nowhere, and I don't know what triggered it, really.

It's probably just cuz I'm tired. Everybody has days where they feel like this, right? It's only a problem if the days string together into weeks and months, and I won't let that happen to me again.



2 Comments:

  • At 8:49 PM, Blogger Lydia said…

    yeah, everyone feels like that sometimes (i think?). don't worry mar because those things are definately not true at all. it was interesting watching the dynamic at your party... i could tell everyone looked up to you alot and it was cool to watch.

     
  • At 3:13 PM, Blogger Marcia said…

    Aw, thanks, Lyd. *hugs you* I don't think anybody looks up to me, but it's nice to know that you thought so!

     

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