Finding Myself OMG: A Bullshit Quest

Well, where do I start? I'm struggling, I suppose, to find out who I am outside of who my parents want me to be, who my friends want me to be, or who my own perfectionist tendencies (totally personified) want me to be. I don't know if this blog will really document my progress in, ahem, coming of age, or if it will just basically be a place for me to vent and blab about nothing. We shall see.

Monday, February 27, 2006

I don't feel good (again)!

Fucking fuckity fuck. I hate my body sometimes. Seriously. Why can't I just have a healthy, normal body with a nice, high immune system? That would be tres nice. But no, instead I have this piece of crap.

I was at the mall with Roxy yesterday when I started having really bad pains in my side. Rox drove me home, and when I got home, I laid down and rested and then my parents insisted that I had to go to the emergency room, since I have a history of kidney stones, blah blah blah.

Well, we got to the ER at 5:30 and we didn't get out until 2:30. And of course, it wasn't even a fucking kidney stone this time, I was just so constipated I was just about to burst. (Ewww, sorry, TMI, I know.) And of course since I was in the ER for nine fucking hours with all those sick people (the nurse who discharged me said that they had eight positive flu tests that evening), I managed to catch something else. So on top of pooping all day after drinking the stuff to get rid of all the shit in me, I woke up this morning unable to talk. I have fucking laryngitis. Seriously. And my throat feels like it's on fire, as does my butt (again sorry for the TMI but it's my fucking journal, I can be as gross as I want), and my head is freaking killing me.

We're in the middle of a push for this big mid-term election at work. I made 200 phone calls on Saturday, and I was supposed to go in and make even more today, but obviously that's not happening. I suck. Or my body sucks. Since my body is connected to my mind or spirit or whatever, it seems pretty obvious that if my body is a piece of crap (literally), I am too.

Grrrr. Aaaargh. I just want to die!

In the meantime, I've been trying to amuse myself. I took a personality quiz. Here are the results:

Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"


You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.


You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.


You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Meh. I think I'm going to take a nap now. Or maybe just stay awake and wallow in my misery.

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